Ugly Monkey

MOVING

2008-02-09T13:50:36+01:00

Hello everyone

My daddy is being very nice to me and has changed my blog address for further information and to keep in touch please view

http://littlemonkey.blog.co.uk/

Keep in touch

Eva

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Sun sun sun

2007-12-17T17:25:03+01:00

No space left for pictures. currently sunning myself in lands of grotty. While it is 2 degrees back home it is 25 here. Have been swimming several times, which is fun, but VERY tiring. Food is the same as back home - not allowed any local food (or beer). Keep going to different restaurants and making myself centre of attention (daddy says I am just shouting - he now calls me Satan - and mummy Satan's little helper). Many cats everywhere - one has sat on my knee.

Only a few days left

S, SLH and Mark

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More ugly pictures

2007-11-21T22:18:06+01:00

Look how ugly I am getting....

I can sit (not on command like the dog)

I can eat banana (Ugly Monkey) but make a mess

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Party animal

2007-11-03T21:54:32+01:00

Have not been allowed to update my blog recently as my horrid parents have taken away my internet access after an incident with horrid daddy's credit card... Have been going to Parties this week although my horrid mummy keeps coming along as well and cramping my style. Went to a Birthday party and got to play with balloons and got some glasses (see photo) and today have been to fireworks party - which was fun, and I think I am going to be a pyromaniac when I grow up - fire looks like fun. The fireworks were noisy, but at least I got to play outside, unlike the evil cats, who have been locked inside for bad behaviour. When I got to the fireworks party I got taken away from my horrid parents by a nice person in the village, unfortunately she gave me back at the end of the evening. Must try harder to get a nice home.

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Eat-Vomit-Sleep-Soil-Eat-Vomit-Sleep-Soil-East-Vomit-Sleep-Soil etc

2007-09-29T16:38:00+02:00

Have not been allowed to update this for sometime, so just to let you know that I am eating like a pig (thats genetics for you), currently weight about 4.5Kgs. I sometimes allow my evil parents to sleep - for at least 10 hours at a time - if they choose not to sleep during that time it is hardly my fault is it. Speaking is not going so well, nor is walking, but I can pull my horrid mothers hair. I do smile (not at my horrid father) but they are not given out freely. The evil cats still torment me, and sleep on all my things if given the chance - the evil ginger tabby one even uses me as a pillow - tail pulling revenge being stored up until I can chase the little gits. Spent last weekend meeting other babies - am still ugly, but not as noisy as them.

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Evil cats

2007-08-03T19:58:35+02:00

I need to get heavier than these cats as soon as possible they have no respect and the sooner I can drag them off my bed by their tails the better. Another week doing nothing but eating and sleeping. My horrid father says that I do less to earn my living than the cats - aparently they catch their own food - stupid fools, all they need to do is sit and scream and it gets brought to you.

I am getting fed up with this weighing nonsense all they ever seam to be concerned about is my weight - it is enough to give a girl a complex. Aparently I am now 6lb 4oz

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Bigger is better

2007-07-21T18:35:54+02:00

I continue to get bigger and now weigh 2.14Kg. My horrid parents have both tormented me all week although the horrid man is going back to work next week. The animals continue to hassle me - they share my bed, my car seat and, play mat and chair - I will start pulling their tails as soon as I get fast enough - I can already pull my horrid mums hair. I have walked the dog most days, despite the weather - why they think I nned to help with the chores is beyond me

I went to the pub as well and saw lots of people, was not allowed beer, the horrid man says I have to wait until I can lift a pint

Here are some pictures of me and other random people who torment me

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Visitors

2007-07-14T17:38:04+02:00

Today my cousins came to visit - they are both much bigger than me, but I managed to stay awake as much as possible, I am quite tired now. The big one was allowed roast beef but I was not allowed

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Evicted

2007-07-12T19:22:04+02:00

nmy tyhpoingh hgasz got worse now that my horrid dad is making me do it myself now that I am home.

Home is not as nice as before, the cats have no respect and I sleep in a horrid bed, no clear plastic sides. At least the monsters removed my tube before they got rid of me. I have still got bigger despite having less food and I take it all from a bottle now. My horrid mum is struggling to keep up.

I stopped my horrid mum from sleeping last night in hospital - I will have to try both of them tonight

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Vote Eva to save her from eviction

2007-07-10T21:43:40+02:00

Now weigh 1.92 Kg (4.4lbs) and the monsters are intent on getting rid of me and forcing me to go home with the horrid parents. They have both stuffed that horrid tube up my nose in the last few days - just wait until I am a teenager....

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MORE FOOD

2007-07-09T13:52:06+02:00

Now why did they not do this before - all this fuss about feeding - why did they not give me a bottle before? It is much easier - am now taking 53 of my 56mls by bottle - getting in training for pints of beer.

The horrid monsters are starting to talk about me being released - finally. The moment I get out of here those pesky cats are in for trouble - they have already been sleeping in my cot, chair and car seat - revenge is sweet....

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Food

2007-07-08T11:03:04+02:00

This whole feeding idea is a farce - the monsters and horrid parents keep trying to make me work for my food - why should I? Are they trying to tell me that they keep pushing this tube up my nose to just torment me - or is it for food? My horrid mother is spending much more time with me now, but they still will not let me home until I start eating properly - I think I am in trouble.

The rest of the time I am now in solitary confinement - I have a huge ward all to myself, I do not know if that is because I am so bad and that they do not want me leading the other babies astray. Others do come in for a while, but they leave after a couple of days - my horrid father says it is because I smell, but mum says it is because they have worked out how to eat. Some babies are SO stupid - why bother - they feed you anyway.

I have finally had a proper bath this week - I do not expect to have to wait 4 weeks in between baths - do they think I am French? Not surprising my horrid father says - I smell what does he expect.

Have been weighed again this morning and am now 1.88Kg - still growing despite the continued hunger strike.

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Childhood Obesity

2007-07-01T20:28:30+02:00

A quick update just to let everyone know that I am growing well and have put on 310g (nearly 10oz) in the last 7 days and now weigh 1.71Kg (3lb 12oz) - at this rate I will be needing new clothes!

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Out of Jail - almost

2007-06-29T20:17:55+02:00

The monsters have let me out of jail - the top is off and it will not be long before I can try and climb out of this thing. However the monsters have fitted me with a radio tracking device to make sure that I do not go too far. Some strage form of freedom! To make matters worse they they insist on wrapping me in so many layers that I cannot move my arms - this makes it very difficult to get the tube out of - but I still manage sometimes. The horrid parents still come and visit - they bring me food and toys, but they still wont take me home. I think it is because they think I will be mean to the animals (little do they know). They have now registered me, so I have a proper name now - Eva Jennifer. They keep bringing the camera, but someone has told me that it makes you fat if you look into it - I try my hardest to cover my face whenever it appears

I have grown more this week and hope to be allowed out soon for good behaviour

You can now subscribe to updates or add as a news feed using the tools to the right hand side and always keep in touch

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No more wires!

2007-06-24T18:15:42+02:00

Today the monsters removed the horrid sticky pads from my chest and took away the machines that go 'ping'. The red light on my foot has also gone and they now rely on a little sticker on my chest to tell them when I stop breathing. Have already worked out how to make this one go ping! Getting better at removing the tube up my nose - the monsters even removed the mittens that they stuck on with sticky tape yesterday. The horrid parents came and visited again today - they take me out of my plastic cell for a while, but they lock me back in when they leave. I must work out how to open the door. The monsters say that I have put on weight - which is very rude - but they say that I may be allowed to move out of the cell next weekend and into a cot. My neighbour has one of these and I am sure that I will be able to escape from this.

My horrid parents say I am going to be a red head

Feel free to leave comments if you know me - you will need to create a login to do this

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Tubes

2007-06-23T13:15:35+02:00

22nd June - Have now mastered how to get this tube out - and can do this when ever I like - although the horrible monsters keep replacing it.

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Eva 'Ugly Monkey' Bowen

2007-06-23T13:05:24+02:00

16th June - The second day I was allowed out of my plastic cube - Dad realises how ugly I am but Mum still has not noticed - will have to see how long I can keep up this pretence

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